i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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