FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
