alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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