he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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