hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
