He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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