I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
