Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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