We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
God, I missed his penis.
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