I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
