fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You have to summon your inner elephant
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize