Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
