I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
