I could make wine with my vomit
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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