just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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