The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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