The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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