Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
