a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
