i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
is wine microwaveable?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
