Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
