YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
