Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
