she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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