We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
you had me at cake vodka
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
