my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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