Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
