I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
