You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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