you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize