just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
