The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
