Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
