She is in my trunk
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
