I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
They are going to name an STD after you.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
