So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
