On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
