You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
