Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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