Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
