I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
