i permit you to call me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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