i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
