I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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