It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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