is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
