she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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