Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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