Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
