She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
