I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
