it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
