Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
