apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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