3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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