don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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