I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
