apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
