honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
