Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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