Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
