He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize