the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
