he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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