DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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