I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
