honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
