you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
