Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
