i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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