Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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