The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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