Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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