everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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