when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Your penis caused this!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
