I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
