my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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