omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
