i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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