its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
