I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
