omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
